Look! It’s President Oprah Winfrey!
Posted: Monday, February 12, 2007
by Peggy Butler
PSB COMMUNICATIONS
According to a recent poll conducted by the McSarin Galvanic Association, an organization devoted to issues pertinent to minorities, 54% of Americans believe that a woman or African-American will be elected president by 2025, which comes as great news for presidential hopefuls Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama.
The poll further noted that although Americans are becoming more tolerant, it is likely that a female will occupy the White house before a candidate of African-descent does.
The year is 2030, and President Oprah Winfrey is analyzing the latest unemployment figures, when she is interrupted by a knock at the door. Opening the massive portal, the former talk show mogul is greeted by the Attorney General who wryly informs her; "President Winfrey your constituents want to know when they can start capitalizing on those promises you made four years ago?"
Adjusting her skirt, the president gestures toward a stack of documents on her desk. "Exactly what promises are those,"
she asked. "Oh come on Madam President. Don't you remember telling your constituents that you would put them on Easy Street?" the Attorney General stammered. "Well I reduced taxes, cut unemployment by 50% and increased the minimum wage to $17.50," the president explained. "What else do they want?"
"Hey you know I've got your back Madam President. But they say if you don't solve all their problems within the next two years, they are going to run you down the road." "They can't run me," said the president incredulously. "This is my second term in office. And you know by law I'm forbidden to seek a third term." "Yes I know that and you know that" said the Attorney General with a strained frown, "but they say you are not taking care of business on the j-o-b."
Before she could address the Attorney General, the president heard loud voices from outside. Visibly agitated, Winfrey rose from her desk and went to the window to see what all the commotion was about. Staring out the window, the president spotted dozens of protesters carrying signs. One poster which read "Winfrey is Funked up with the Tunkromp," caught her eye. Laughing, the president turned to the Attorney General. "You didn't hear a peep out of voters when George W. Bush nearly put Americans in the poorhouse.
It was as though they were invisible," she said irritably.
"Yet, they torment and rip me to shreds. What's up with that?"
Moving toward his friend of 15 years the Attorney General murmured, "When it comes to voters one thing is certain."
"What's that?" asked the President. "No matter what you do for them, they still find something to complain about."
Moving from the window, Oprah Winfrey began the long walk to her desk. Then the Tennessee native smiled as she thought about what the Attorney General said. "I hate to admit it A.G. but you are absolutely right," said the president extending her hand. "If I were a man they would not subject me to this anguish; but since I'm a woman, they figure I'm easy pickings." The president, discouraged by the scene outside said patiently, "Regardless of their behavior I refuse to let them see me sweat." Impressed by his friend's calm demeanor, the Attorney General replied, "Sounds like a plan to me."
Thirty minutes later, President Winfrey reached into her desk, and pulled out a mug that reminded her of why she was first elected by an overwhelming margin over former House Majority leader Tom DeLay in 2025.
The mug reads: "Who else is capable of tackling worldly issues (war, terrorism, unemployment, etc.) and remaining calm, confident and in charge except a WOMAN?"
Okay, allow me to play Devil's Advocate. Suppose by some miracle that 99.8% of Americans discovered a woman whom they feel is the Political Savior of the U.S. As expected, they would urge her to seek the presidency under the belief that their lives would improve drastically if she were elected. Of course this is only wishful thinking. As soon as she entered the White House, those thoughts would quickly turn to such verbal tirade as "She thinks just like a woman," or "She's not strong enough to handle such virile issues as war and terrorism."
And at the slightest hint of a crisis, they would denounce her with the disclaimer: "See I told you, only a man is capable of wearing the presidential mantle."
To reiterate, if by some miracle a woman is elected president, her greatest crisis won't come from terrorists or military warfare. Rather, it will come at the hands of people who for too long have convinced themselves that men have a monopoly on the chief executive throne. So to readers viewing this commentary, Good night Madam President, or should I say Rock On Lady P?
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